Not all Abusers are Men, Not all victims are women
I often lend this book because I believe the insights will be a great relief to those who, like I once did, constantly adjust to criticism until they feel they are dancing to a tune played by a crazy person. In my first marriage, I read every book on relationships, saw at least five different marriage counselors with my husband, and heard lots of horrible advice, often from people whose own marriages were miserable.

This is an perceptive author who helps discern that some couples are not really couples, and some arguments are situations where the "winner" gets to continue to argue, because venting on their partner is the sole purpose of the argument, regardless of what the subject appears to be, and any attempt to resolve the argument is a threat to the "relationship."

The one area where the author has been a disappointment is in her certainty that all or nearly all abusers are men, and all victims of abuse are women. This sad stereotype is completely untrue, and it is a disservice to good men and all women to perpetuate it.

Therefore, if you are a man, remember that for most of the last century, it was considered proper and preferred form for writers to use the words "he, him, and his" to mean "he or she, him or her, and his or hers" Gender neutral writing was considered awkward, unnecessary, and silly. Women found it difficult sometimes to remember that "he" could be a woman, but we read and learned from those books anyway.

Please allow your 21st century understanding to recognize that in every case, "He" could be "Her" and if you are a man, then "She" could be you.

This book saved my soul
Verbal abuse kills your soul one word at a time. This book helped me realize that no amount of explaining on my part would ever get through to my husband how his words damaged me and others. After 20 years, it hit me that he will never change. Please realize that verbal abusers can be women as well as men (the author doesn't emphasize this enough). All in all, this is the most helpful book I have ever read. It saved my life and my soul.Too Good for Her Own Good: Searching for Self and Intimacy in Important Relationships

Instrumental in My Recovery
This book was instrumental in my recovery during and after divorce. It was given to me by a coworker who had read it and found it most helpful. I had no idea that verbal abuse was this prevalant in our society. The book really helped me gain insight into my ex husband and consistently provided me with reassurance that I made the right decision to leave the relationship. Please consider purchasing The Verbally Abusive Relationship for yourself or for someone you love. I am buying a third copy to give to a coworker whose sister is just emerging from a toxic relationship. This book was the key that opened the door to my new life.

Life-changing book
This book was like reading a chapter out of my life. When I read the checklist on behaviors, and could check 7 or 8 things off, I knew I had to act to change my life. I would read a passage and say, "Oh my God, that is me." I felt the worst when I read about what living in a verbally abusive relationship does to my children. I wish I could have started the response techniques that were written, but after 25 years, I figured it was too late to start. He has moved out, and I am beginning to find peace in my own home. I don't know what the future holds, but I will never be treated like that again!

Doesn't address alcoholism
The book is good for what it's worth, but it doesn't address alcoholism at all. The first thing a partner of a verbal abuser should consider is whether there is alcoholism involved. Then it's a whole other issue!