Accessories

Greatly recommended
I was never married but my husband was twice-divorced with two kids when we met. His first wife with whom he did not have any kids was a mature and decent woman. His second was a nightmare. Their marriage was doomed from the beginning because of the disparity in temperament and intellect. My husband was single for six years when we got married.

Well, I lived in hell for the first two years of my marriage. I was all confused, miserable, and was at a loss as to how to deal with the situation before I read this book. Knowing that there are others facing the same situation and that I was not responsible for my husband's ex and his kids' behavior made me feel stronger. I now put my boundaries firmly for my husband, his over-spoiled kids, and his wicked ex-wife. Things are under control and we live in relative peace now. My advice to women contemplating marriage to men with kids is that BEFORE MARRIAGE make sure that:
1. he puts his priorities right (his life partner should be his first priority)
2. he is supportive of you
3. he has a healthy relationship with his kids which involves love, respect, structure and discipline
4. he is firm with his ex
5. he and you see eye to eye with each other's expectations of marriage
Never, ever marry an over-indulgent father with a bitter ex-wife in the background, unless you are seeking martyrdom, not happiness and companionship. If he cannot keep his baggage from his previous relationships under control, the marriage is not worth saving. Get out while you can and learn from the experience. Remember, only "he" can keep his house in order, not you. And contrary to what some people believe, it's the ex-wives who have to bend over backwards to get along with new wives so that these new wives will treat their step-kids right. That is, if these ex-wives' priority is their children's happiness. It is completely unacceptable for ex-wives to take out their bitterness and failures on their ex-husbands by turning their kids against their fathers, using their kids for emotional blackmail, and sabotaging their ex-husbands' new marriages by creating havoc in their households. If you are caught in an unhappy situation like this, just look into yourself, see how much you can take, and set appropriate boundaries to keep your sanity and happiness. Don't be overly concerned with what others might think. You can succeed if your husband is with you. If he is not with you, again, the marriage is not worth saving.

Finally, a book I can learn from and relate to - the perfect combination!
Rarely have I found information on being the "next wife". One day while Googling I found this amazing book and read it through in one sitting. I know I am one of many ex-wives/next wives, but the fact that I have come to understand how others are going through what I am going through . . . I am not alone. While I didn't experience everything in the book, I certainly identified with it!

It is so refreshing to hear an authentic voice from someone who clearly understands my situation, instead of just a textbook written from someone who might not have ever actually experienced being a second wife. (I want to learn from someone who is there!) Ex-Wives and Ex-Lives is a good starting place, ending place, and in-between place for understanding the complexities of re-marriage. I have recommended it to my friends who have stepchildren, and those who have struggled like me to define my role . . . it is on my MUST READ list.

Ex wifes and Ex lives
This book is great to tell ex wifes what is coming or what is normal but it does not give steps or suggetions on how to deal with the situation which is what i thought survival guide meant. This did not help me.

More realistic book than many others
I've been in 2 marriages with step-baggage so I have personal experience here. This book was more realistic than others in the feelings a new wife may have, but it really doesn't get into the dirt. I never had bad feelings or jealousy toward my husband's first wife until she barged into our lives and started acting like she was still married to him. In no way should you be, as the author said "the forgotten toy at the bottom of the toy box". If you are, then you're doing it all wrong. I've (after much prodding from friends) have decided to write my own thoughts and maybe one day my book will be here. Until then, if you're a new wife and need some consoling that you are not crazy, selfish or alone in your feelings, then by all means read this book. Welcome to the sisterhood.

Good to feel normal!
The beauty of this book is not in the advice (it has no tips, or practical tools) but in the opportunity it offers the reader to identify with the writer's situation. I am a divorced woman seriously dating a man with an ex-partner and a daugther and always felt "weird" due to the emotional reactions I had around certain situations, particularly those that involved his ex. Given that I had little support from family and friends (none are divorced or dating people with ex-es), the book was a welcomed reassurance that my emotions were NORMAL!